I grew up in Vancouver, Canada, feeling lost and out of place, struggling to find myself in the convolution of strict cultural tradition, immigrant expectations, and first generation Canadian aspirations and rebelliousness. Spliced into that was an unhappy and abusive family situation. and so sports was an escape from real life.
I stumbled onto Ultimate at the end of high school in 1992 and the Vancouver Ultimate community embraced me and the rest of the brash punk kids into their world. I started playing with the women’s team, GOO, in 1994, and that afforded me not only the opportunity to get on a plane for the first time, but exposure to the warmth of camaraderie, support, and openness that I had never known. When I moved out east for grad school, the Godiva women immediately took me in as one of their own. I thought I had divested myself of my past, become liberated from my upbringing, and that I was doing great.
But moving to the other side of the continent and running away from my previous life, not surprisingly, only doomed me to reprise my problems. I was invited to play with the first co-ed DTB team at Potlatch in 2006. In truth, I didn’t know much about DTB and playing with a bunch of other Brown people didn’t resonate with me. I was elated to play with a bunch of superstar players that I had either looked up to and/or competed against for years. It wasn’t until The Circle on Saturday night did I realize the power and community of DTB.
I’m not sure if I actually said anything in my first Circle. I do acutely remember the rawness, the frankness, and the vulnerability demonstrated by the people on the team as they recounted their own struggles of growing up Brown in a very white world; dealing with abuse; figuring out what they wanted in life despite familial obligations and cultural expectations. I remember bawling until my eyes couldn’t shed any more tears, my nose completely snotted up, and my heart both clenched tight and yet full of this funny strange feeling … of love and being loved.
